Things I will start saying on a regular basis now.
The Middleman+text posts
Lacey Thornfield: I CONFRONT. I SPEAK. ART.
(cruelty-free vodka, organic lemon juice, free range vanilla simple syrup)
Fake blood? Dub-Dub, I don’t use fake blood anymore! I am a confrontational spoken word performance artist. If I want to make a statement, I just use two parts vodka, one part lemon juice, and one part vanilla simple syrup. It’s way better than fake blood—it takes forever to come off and it strips the paint right off of cars!
Hey,boss? If you’re hearing this, the nanobots are outside the hatch, and I didn’t have enough time to get out of Ida before the cascade overload spreads technology-eating robots from space all over the world. I just want you to know, I’m kind of OK. You taught me that there are things in life worth dying for. And I am so glad I got attacked by that tentacled ass-monster back at the lab, and that you framed me so I’d have to be your sidekick. Because I am so proud to be a Middleman. I’m proud to know you. And I want you to know that since my dad disappeared, you’re the closest thing I’ve had to a father.
The Middleman S01E10: The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation
there’s only one way to speak to an insane ventriloquist
The Middleman 1x12: The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome